Chamber

I don't believe that he's unaware of it, she said. You can't exact vengeance without being aware of it. He sees the pain in my eyes, the pain he wants to give me & leave me with. Staring at him like a blankeyed doll. Naked until he's shamed into dressing me. He was convinced he could destroy me from the beginning. He only needed time, a little persistence & the rest would be downhill. Don't worry he always says. He can't tell me not to worry: it's only gonna make me worry even more. Our bodies on the bed so visible to the world, to those passing by in the street, to whoever the fuck is up there watching us wear each other down. You must hear us at night from inside your little cellar here, Stefan's captive wild child, bumbling American. Sometimes you meet someone who might remind you of yourself, he said to her, reaching outside to stub out the cigarette on the wall of the building, someone who either makes you feel so at ease with yourself, ready to abandon all the panic inside, or someone who completely repulses you, reminds you of all that you despise about yourself, a mirror image of your own inner horror. He reached over for his guitar & started to tune it down. You gotta get outta of here, she said, there's too much sickness in this apartment. She left & he watched her cross the street, a tear in her pantie hose the length of her calf, bulging purse slung over her shoulder, shielding her eyes as she stepped from beneath the trees.